Tila Tequila Too Fucked for Rehab

The list of "celebrities" on Celebrity Rehab was released today, but Tila Tequila's name was conspicuously absent. Why?  Let Dr. Drew's wife tell you:

Go figure. The only surprise to me is that any of the other people did. How bad is it to fail a test that JEremy London and Janice Dickenson passed? Maybe Tila will crawl back under her rock now and leave our poor internet alone.




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Tila Tequila Going To Rehab

I have no idea what vice Tila Tequila needs to overcome with Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab. I don't think there is any help out there for attention whores. My guess is she's going to say she is addicted to sex. Apparently, VH1 is having problems finding enough celebs with addictions for the next show and it might be cancelled. What a shame.

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Tila Thinks She Can Sing

Miss Tila has released a single called "I F--k the DJ" and I did all I could do to make it through the first 15 seconds. All she does is swear and I'm assuming if a music video ever popped up, she would be stripping and dancing around awkwardly.
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The Flake Formerly Known as Tila Tequila

We all knew Tila Tequila was bat shit crazy but she has lost a few more marbles to get herself back into the public eye. She is saying she was the first ever public figure to come out. Before Tila, everyone was closeted, and due to her pioneering reality show A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila, Katy Perry was inspired to write I Kissed A Girl. Not to mention Ellen DeGeneres was also heavily influenced by Tila's show and came out shortly afterwards. The best part of her insanity is she has changed her name to Miss Tila, which sounds just as awful as Tila Tequila. She's also starting her own gossip blog which is better than sliced bread. Wow, I feel so inadequate right now....if only I could be Miss Tila.
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Courtenay Semel is Straight Now. Which Means She Still Shags Famous Chicks, Right?

Courtenay Semel started blogging on her myspace recently, which isn't really newsworthy. But after insisting she dated Tila Tiquila and Casey Johnson (and maybe Lindsay Lohan) I was surprised to read that she defines her orientation as "straight." But hey, maybe I'm straight, too. I just close my eyes and pretend all these girls are really big, beefy men. *shudder*

Thanks to Tolle for being awesome and making my job easier.

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Tila Tequila Has a Baby

It looks like a doll, but I figure like begets like, and a tiny plastic woman should rightfully make tiny plastic babies. It's science. But Tila did make a semi-surprising move by deleting her Twitter account. She felt the need to announce it in advance, even to count it down, but so far she hasn't started it up again. (The decision is totally reversible, so I suspect it's a matter of time.)


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Courtenay Semel Says Goodbye and Hates Tila Tequila as Much as the Rest of Us

Courtenay Semel, who dated both Tila Tequila and Casey Johnson as well as Lindsay Lohan, taped her goodbye to Casey for E! where she said "I will never, I don't think, be with anyone else." (Start countdown to Courtenay's next relation ship in five, four, three...) Courtenay at least seems somewhat sincere when compared to Casey's supposed fiance, so I think I'll lay off on the insults. But, I have to say, it's hard to lay off. Just watch the video and imagine all my sarcastic remarks.
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Nobody Wants Tila

The crazy bitch has lost her last supporter, her publicist. I can't imagine why anyone would want to deal with this moron and surprisingly enough, she's stuck representing herself. This should be interesting.
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Tila Tequila is Batshit Insane

My least favorite queer famewhore, Tila Tequila, told Extra that she plans to adopt Casey Johnson's daughter, Ava.

I was getting really annoyed by Tila, but this is just too funny for words. Give Tila Tequila a kid? Why not just give the kid a bunch of used drug needles. Probably be safer than leaving the poor child in Tila's care. But maybe dating a woman for a month and faking an engagement makes a person qualified to adopt her orphaned daughter.


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Tila Not Invited to Casey's Funeral

Casey Johnson was buried in New Jersey with a private, open casket ceremony for family and friends. Her "fiancee," however, was not present. Tila, of course, blames her family for not taking their relationship seriously. And just as unsurprisingly, she is continuing to say weird things and act generally insane on her Twitter, where she updates approximately every 30 seconds.

Some other queer people have to get into the spotlight, fast. I'm really sick of writing about Tila Tequila. But I figure in a week or so, she'll have a new lover and be claiming that it's what Casey wanted. In the mean time, I'm going to be spending my time wishing that someone like Sean Connery comes out of the closet in a mini skirt and grabs the attention away fr a while.


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Tila and Casey's Engagement was Fake. Surprise!

In the most shocking event ever, it seems as though Tila and Casey's engagement was a stunt by Girls Gone Wild douchebag, Joe Francis who funds Tila's website. Tila's been refering to Casey Johnson as Casey Nguyn which must make the Johnson family so proud. Tila had been blogging and posting on Twitter constantly, and I tried to avoid being harsh since she lost someone who was at least somewhat close to her, if not what she claimed Casey was, but the attention seeking is just too much. So here's a picture of her "greiving" in front of paps a few days after her fake fiancee's death. Oh, yeah. And she's pregnant. Ew.

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Casy Johnson Death Updates

I tried to be respectful in the post about Casey Johnson's death, as it seemed like a good time to have a little respect. Which is more that I can say for her supposed fiancee.

While Casey's childhood friends like Paris Hilton managed to keep down the fame whoring, her "wifey" can't show the same sort of .. er .. can we say "class" when we're discussing these people? Anyhow, Tila has been updating her Twitter non-stop since Casey died, starting the rumor that she was told Casey was in a coma, not dead, and just being a complete psycho about everything. Now I know that she just lost someone arguably close to her, but instead of any human grieving she prances around smiling for photographers and Twitters non-stop. Even more strangely, Casey's life-long friend Nicky Hilton went to pick up Casey's dogs and Tila accused her of wanting to kill the dogs to bury with Casey, arguing with Nicky until the police were called. The levels of attention-seeking she's reaching are absolutely sick. The bitch just isn't sane.

The LA Coroner hasn't released a cause of death for Casey, though I don't think it will be a surprising one. When an otherwise healthy 30 year old drops dead in her home, I think it's fair to expect that drugs were involved. The case will be sealed for a while due to its publicity, but I suspect in a month or so we'll get the official reminder that drugs aren't a healthy option.


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Tila Tequila's Fiancee Found Dead

Tila Tequila's fiancee, Casey Johnson, the 30 year old Johnson & Johnson heiress, was found dead in her bedroom by her maids today. So far the cause of death is undetermined. Tila posted about it on her Twitter, saying "Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson. She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w family."

As well as Tila, Ava also leaves behind her daughter Ava whom she adopted from Kazakhstan in 2007.
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Speaking of People I Hate...

Do I still have to write about Tila Tequila? Has she retracted the whole bi thing yet so that I can go back to forgetting she exists? If not, then the above is a video of her doing a Grindoff, which looks, more or less, like she got drunk and carried her laptop to the public bathroom and made a "sexy" video. But in case you like that sort of thing, here it is.
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Tila Goes Hetero

So I guess Tila and Courtenay are over. I wonder if Tila's bisexuality is over, too? Page six says that she was spotted making out with Justin Long in Vegas.

JUSTIN Long is in a downward spiral when it comes to women. After Drew Barrymore broke up with him, Long took up with Kirsten Dunst, maintaining an on-again, off-again relationship for months with the "Marie Antoinette" star. But on Halloween, the "Mac Guy" hooked up with trampy bisexual Tila Tequila in Las Vegas. Spies said the two were spotted at Los Angeles airport and nightclub Noir, where Long "asked her to straddle him while making out. Eww," our spy sniffed. A rep for Long didn't get back to us.

OK, now I'm going to do something you'll never see me do again. Ever. I'm going to write something that doesn't bash Tila Tequila. Keep in mind, this is only for the purposes of queer politics and is not to be confused with my accepting Tila in any way, shape or form. Now:

Why "trampy bisexual"? I mean, yes, she's trampy, yes, she's bi, but there are plenty of trampy hets out there who aren't given that tag. It makes me wonder - if Tila wasn't (pretending) to be bi, would they have bothered to call her a tramp at all? She'd still be one, of course, but would they use the words? I hate that the bi girl is automatically assumed to be a slut. Even if it is true in this case. Not all bi girls act like Tila. I'm sure if you gave me a few days I could come up with at least one who doesn't. Maybe.*

*kidding, don't get your panties in a knot.

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Tila and Courtenay Still "Together"

Tila and Courtenay are still showing up at events acting like a couple. Know when I'll believe this one is real? Me neither. They could get married and I'd say it was a publicity stunt. They could be "together" for a year, an eternity in Hollywood, and I'd insist they were just friends and using the whole thing so that Tila could pick up future men. I might believe that Courtenay is actually queer, though. You can be both queer and an attention whore.
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Tila Still Trying to Make Us Remember Who She Is

So apparently Tila Tequila has a new girlfriend. And really, it's not for publicity or anything. Uh huh. Sure. Tila and Courtenay Semel talked to People about thier new supposed romance:

A beaming Tequila told PEOPLE she “didn’t want to jinx anything” about their relationship, but said she was very happy.

Semel, however, happily shared her feelings for the MTV reality star. “I’d seen the show [A Shot at Love] and just needed to meet her…and it just happened,” Semel says of Tequila. Now the “best friends” are content to lay in bed watching movies, share clothes and makeup and steer clear of drama.

“There are no games,” says Tequila. “It’s true what they say about lesbians–you meet and then the next day you move in together, because I can’t get rid of her. She pretty much lives at my house.”

I believe that they lie around in bed watching movies. I just don't believe the whole lesbian part of things. I mean, "best friends"? Who describes their new lover that way?
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Tila Tequila Insists She's Bi

Tila Tequila defends her apparent bisexuality to King Magazine in an interview. Most of the time she talks about how "bad" she is and tries to be sexy. Not worth reading, so I picked out the parts that I think are relevant:

I think it’s more fun being bisexual, because sometimes you want to get away from guys. And then you go back to girls and you get something totally new and different. Then, after a while, that gets boring, so you go back. It’s always nice to have so many options.

What about the people who say you’re not really bisexual—that you’re hetero and just pretending for the show? Care to set the record, uh, straight?
They can suck my dick.

Talk about sexual ambiguity!
If you’re faking bisexuality, then you’d be one of those Girls Gone Wild girls. I’m not one of those fake ones. I have real emotions for people, whether they’re male or female. So whoever said that shows me that they’re really ignorant, and it makes me cringe. It’s like saying, “Hey, you’re not really Vietnamese, you’re just trying to be.” How do you answer that?

I really hate this chick.
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Tila Tequila Saves the Gays

Tila Tequila has single handedly furthered the rights of same sex couples in America. Or at least that's what she seems to think. In an interview with Us Magazine, Tila says that same sex marriage was passed in california because of her and her idiotic show A Shot at Love.

"It is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement. Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]," she said. "Then they realized, 'Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.' The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal."

Wow. All those years of fighting for equal rights and all we needed was some attention-grubbing slut to make a fake reality dating show to achieve our dreams. If only we knew!
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Tila Tequila Is Still Pretending She's Bi

Tila Tequila, the supposedly bisexual star of A Shot at Love is continuing to pretend she's bisexual in hopes of getting a little attention. Now don't get me wrong - I have absolutely nothing against the bi girls (I am one on occasion) but Tila herself is about as bisexual as Rosie O'Donnel is sexy. She's just not.

At the MTV Movie Awards, Tila tried to lay claim to lady loving by discussing Lindsay and Sam and how hot she thinks Christina Ricci is.

On Linds and Sam:

"I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine," she told Usmagazine.com at the MTV Movie Awards in Universal City, CA Sunday.
Her advice for the clandestine couple?
"Just go all out with it!" she said. "If you’re going to do something, do it all out."

On Ms. Ricci:

"I love Christina Ricci," she reveals to Extra. "She’s really hot and I think she looks kind of odd like me…I fell in love with her when I saw Black Snake Moon. She was naked in that one. I kind of drooled over her naked scenes…"

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